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| The one and only Meankitty |
A while back, I was very fortunate (I think?) to have On the Scent reviewed mad-lib style by Meankitty and her typing slave, the witty author Jody Wallace. You know what mad libs are, right? You fill in a list of words by type and then insert those words into a story. Except Meankitty calls hers Bad Libs because they're bad. Bad as in mean, but also bad. I suppose this is the easiest way for a cat such as Meankitty to review a book. It involves no actual reading of the book in typical lazy cat fashion, and, hey, the results are pretty darn funny! That's why I offered up my blog to Meankitty today to write a Bad Lib Review of one her human's newest books.
Without further ado, please welcome the feline queen of snarky book reviewers, Meankitty...
Bad Lib Review of Jody Wallace's "Angeli" by Meankitty
Recently I, Meankitty, had the nauseating sensation of reading ANGELI by Jody Wallace, who is my human. I read a lot of generous erotica so this science fiction romance was a smelly change of pace. Stinky, smelly, stenchy, odiferous, and so on. In some ways it reminded me of The Little Mermaid except with melting adult characters faced with carefully happy situations.
The book starts off with Adelita and Gregori faced with an ambidextrous challenge. Both characters behave loyally about this. One loyally refuses to use the left hand, while the other refuses to use the right. Their determination to eschew ambidexterity is a massive stumbling block! Cats, for example, can scratch equally well with right paws and left paws and back paws and front paws. Ambidextrous challenges would not set us back long, but then there's the whole thumbs thing, and anyway, what was I talking about?
Right. ANGELI, the lastest stupid book my human published. When the character Nikolas is introduced, in a scene involving hopscotch, the plot really starts to get purple. It's adjective adjective adverb this and blah blah melodrama that. Nikolas is truthfully no Jennifer Lawrence, who is definitely not purple, though I hear her language is sometimes quite blue. And don't even get me started about the character Ship. The involvement of Ship in the narrative will leave readers strong...strongly in favor of reading a different story, ha! The story expertly -- I have to give my human SOME credit -- continues until it seems all photo frames are lost, and the ending will choke you. No, that's not choke you UP, that's choke you, like somebody tries to forcefeed you some pages of a book or a large vitamin pill, and you're like, 'EW, I WILL KAK UP A HAIRBALL' and so you do, on the comforter. The pace of the story was like riding in a boat with a driver who is generous on a road that winds through mountains. Since boats don't really sail through mountains very well, unless it's on a mountain river, in which case, you're probably going to crash into large boulders, you can hazard a guess what that means about the pacing.
If you are looking for a way to spend 2 days, this book is definitely an option. Another option would be starting a cat sanctuary. A better option, in fact! Well, that's a better option than most things. Anyway, the characters and plot of this book are so HUGE compared to other books on the market today. My human defintely is long-winded. Granted, the feline content in the book was tiny, which is a travesty indeed, but no author is completely high. In fact, I'd venture to say MY author human is rarely high. She's kind of low, skulking most of the time in her recliner. I can easily jump over her. All in all, ANGELI is a long tale about giddiness, cleaning and fusobacterium. You will be tired if you pick this one up!
Rating: 67 catnip mice and a weak cake. I'm not allowed to eat cake, so that's pretty sucky.
The book starts off with Adelita and Gregori faced with an ambidextrous challenge. Both characters behave loyally about this. One loyally refuses to use the left hand, while the other refuses to use the right. Their determination to eschew ambidexterity is a massive stumbling block! Cats, for example, can scratch equally well with right paws and left paws and back paws and front paws. Ambidextrous challenges would not set us back long, but then there's the whole thumbs thing, and anyway, what was I talking about?
Right. ANGELI, the lastest stupid book my human published. When the character Nikolas is introduced, in a scene involving hopscotch, the plot really starts to get purple. It's adjective adjective adverb this and blah blah melodrama that. Nikolas is truthfully no Jennifer Lawrence, who is definitely not purple, though I hear her language is sometimes quite blue. And don't even get me started about the character Ship. The involvement of Ship in the narrative will leave readers strong...strongly in favor of reading a different story, ha! The story expertly -- I have to give my human SOME credit -- continues until it seems all photo frames are lost, and the ending will choke you. No, that's not choke you UP, that's choke you, like somebody tries to forcefeed you some pages of a book or a large vitamin pill, and you're like, 'EW, I WILL KAK UP A HAIRBALL' and so you do, on the comforter. The pace of the story was like riding in a boat with a driver who is generous on a road that winds through mountains. Since boats don't really sail through mountains very well, unless it's on a mountain river, in which case, you're probably going to crash into large boulders, you can hazard a guess what that means about the pacing.
If you are looking for a way to spend 2 days, this book is definitely an option. Another option would be starting a cat sanctuary. A better option, in fact! Well, that's a better option than most things. Anyway, the characters and plot of this book are so HUGE compared to other books on the market today. My human defintely is long-winded. Granted, the feline content in the book was tiny, which is a travesty indeed, but no author is completely high. In fact, I'd venture to say MY author human is rarely high. She's kind of low, skulking most of the time in her recliner. I can easily jump over her. All in all, ANGELI is a long tale about giddiness, cleaning and fusobacterium. You will be tired if you pick this one up!
Rating: 67 catnip mice and a weak cake. I'm not allowed to eat cake, so that's pretty sucky.
He’s no angel…
Gregori’s last mission is to save Earth from the demons threatening to take control. He doesn’t care if he survives as long as he averts the impending apocalypse—until he meets Adelita, a human refugee, whose spirit and determination give him a renewed reason to fight. And live. He’s falling for her, despite the fact he’s told her nothing but lies and there can’t possibly be a future for them.
Adelita can hardly believe the archangel Gregori, sent to save mankind, has lost his faith and his edge. After he saves her from a demon attack, she vows to help him recover both by any means necessary. But can she keep her own faith when she learns the truth about who and what Gregori really is?
***
Please visit typing slave, er, I mean Jody Wallace's author website to learn more about Angeli, which is actually a really great book, despite anything Meankitty might have otherwise indicated. Learn more about Meankitty by visiting the Writer & Cat blog or the official Meankitty website.
5 comments:
"Giddiness, cleaning and fusobacterium" should be my new tagline.
I have to say that fusobacterium usually get a bad rap. I'm grateful that you've mentioned them in your review.
And I don't care what you thought of the book, even a mean kitty has to agree, that cover is HOT!
Meankitty thinks the cover displays a distinct lack of fur, and none of the wing feathers are helpfully detached, the better to chase them. She would need to do some extensive remodeling on that human.
Meankitty obviously does not recognize greatness when she sees it!
This review was worthy of 150 guffaws. :)
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